The Best of The Best of KIT 1991
From January thru December,1991
The KIT Newsletter, an Activity of the KIT
Information Service, a
Project of The Peregrine Foundation
P.O. Box 460141 / San Francisco, CA 94146-0141 /
telephone: (415) 821-2090 / (415) 282-2369
KIT Staff U.S.: Ramon Sender, Charles Lamar,
Christina
Bernard, Vince Lagano, Dave Ostrom;
U.K. : Joy Johnson MacDonald,
Ben Cavanna, Leonard Pavitt, Joanie Pavitt Taylor.
The KIT Newsletter is an open forum for fact and
opinion.
It encourages the expression of all views, both from
within
and from outside the Bruderhof. The opinions expressed
in the
letters we publish are those of the correspondents and
do not
necessarily reflects those of KIT editors or staff.
This collection skims the Best of KIT 1991
file, which is derived from The 1991 Annual,
to create a
Best of the Best of KIT 1991. We understand
that the sheer
volume of articles and letters available can
overwhelm the casual browser, and so we offer
in this manner a sampling of the most
interesting and informative.
------ Keep In Touch --------
George Maendel, October 17, 1990: Dear KIT: I
was seven years old in the summer of 1956 when the so-
called children's clearing house was in operation (I'd
never heard this event named before reading about it in
KIT). We who were spied upon and reported to be
engaging in various proscribed activities, such as watching
each other pee or daring to take off our shorts under the
covers when we went to bed at night, were isolated from
the rest of the children for months, and taken from our
normal families. My own family was systematically
dismembered, which included sending my parents to
Woodcrest and placing the rest of us either in the
basement detention center or with other families. Two of
my brothers were also sent to Woodcrest, and Mom had
the youngest child with her as well. I remember enduring
interrogation sessions during which I could only cry and
sob. All my normal relationships were suspended as I
was kept isolated from the rest of my family and the
extended family of which I was a part in the colony. The
questioning ended without any sort of resolution, and I
was kept isolated from most other members of the group.
There were other boys in the basement, but we were not
allowed any unsupervised interaction. Later we were
allowed to sleep at "home," such as it was, and during the
days we used to pack tons of textbooks for shipment to
somewhere. It was a very somber and serious time, and
we felt like penitent miscreants.As I see it, my family
never recovered fully from this experiences. I do not
know how our "crimes" were presented by "them" to our
parents, but it was in such manner as made my parents
agree that we be separated from them to live in the large
basement at another house on the hof. My parents sat on
the bed in their room and wept as they agreed to this
arrangement. I don't know what they were told that
made them agree to such measures. Sometime after I
went to live in the basement, my parents and two of my
brothers were sent to Woodcrest. I remember standing at
the bottom of the basement steps watching my brothers
leave.In all the grovelling apologies that various HSOB
leaders have made among the Hutterites, what they did to
my family has never been mentioned. What happened to
my family then, I am still trying to understand and place
in some kind of context and time....
"Why do groups act more stupidly than the
people in them?" The problem is that a group adopts
norms -- habits of behavior -- and anyone who changes
behavior (by evincing or attempting learning) thereby
betrays the group and will be punished or ignored
accordingly. Stewart Brand, in "Costa Rica Saves The
World," Whole Earth Review, Winter, 1989
Jacob J. Wipf: 'Strange Bedfellows' (excerpted
by KIT) Some kind of reconciliation took place in '74
(between the original and newcomer Hutterites in 1974
when the East [The Bruderhof - ed] repented). The
cleavage, however, was only partially healed in that the
Lehrer and the Dariusleut would not be wooed. Nor was
opinion unanimous among the Schmiedeleut. Some
remain aloof and distant to this day. However those who
would raise their voices in protest over the recent rapid
acceleration in East/West relations would be subject to
censure. The Elder Jacob Kleinsasser will brook no
non-submission to what he perceives to
be the greater good. Thus many are afraid to speak
out.By now Arnold must know that he will never
penetrate the Lehrer and Dariusleut. That breach is
simply irreparable at this point for the simple reason that
Arnold has nothing to offer... It is unlikely he will even
sweep the entire Schmiedeleut realm.
1) There are too many that detest the authoritarian
measures of both Kleinsasser and Arnold. Sooner or later
someone is bound to throw down the gauntlet and
withstand Kleinsasser to his face. He has already lost
credibility among the Lehrer and Dariusleut, and the
displeasure of these two groups over recent developments
is bound to strengthen the resolve of those not yet bowing
among the Schmeideleut to Kleinsasser's whims.
2) There is a growing perception that the Arnoldleut
manifest all the necessary ingredients of a cult. There is
increasing awareness that brain-washing and will-
breaking techniques are in use, and the people's zombie-
like countenances (exactly what they look like -- I've seen
two of their communes) is the tell-tale sign.
3) It is recognized that Arnold wants not just an
influence among the Hutterites, but wants to consolidate
all the colonies under a common purse. Arnold wants real
equality among all the Hutterites. No colony could be
richer than another. This can only happen where there is
one purse and one ultimate head, which position he,
Arnold, would (humbly of course) accept.
What this all adds up to is this: if Kleinsasser persists
in his plan for total unification with the Arnold group, a
split in the ranks of the Schmiedeleut is inevitable.
Rumor has it that the thought is not as remote as it may
seem.
1: Several months ago, Kleinsasser drew the world's
attention upon the Hutterites by violating the Hutterite
constitution. The Confession says "Christians must not sue
one another at law" and "it is evident that a Christian can
neither go to law not to be a judge." This fact is not
unknown to the world at large. Note the coverage in The
Winnipeg Free Press [see KIT #4 Nov '89
The Mennonite
Reporter article - ed.]: "Sociologist Victor Peters testified
before Mr. Justice Patrick Ferg in Court of Queens Bench
that... taking each other to court is contrary to Hutterites'
basic doctrine dating back to the early 16th Century."...
But how is it then
reported in The Winnipeg Sun that "Manitoba Hutterites
had their dirty laundry aired in public yesterday," and in
the Free Press, "Hutterites need government
protection to
run their colonies according to their own rules, Kleinsasser
said. If it is not given, we're finished." Has anyone ever
analyzed that statement? It is absolutely packed with
implications....
2. Kleinsasser's breach of the Hutterite Confession is
bound to have dire consequences in upcoming legal
battles against the Hutterites. Kleinsasser, in a case that
was watched the world over, has provided opponents of
the Hutterites with a weapon that they will some day use
against the Hutterites. Kleinsasser has told the entire
world how much his constitution (on which the colony is
based, the Confession) means to the Hutterites. It does
not seem to bother him in the least that the Confession
condemns his action....
There is only one option available to the Hutterites at
this point to undo the damage done by the reckless
behavior of Kleinsasser. Because there is this
interconnection between the three Hutterite churches, the
other two branches are responsible to rectify matters in
order to clear themselves of the charge of violating their
own constitution. This would mean soundly disciplining
Kleinsasser (and his partners in crime) and removing
him/them from positions of leadership. Furthermore, the
Hutterites as a whole would have to drop and as much as
possible undo the lawsuits responsible for the reproach,
and with that go on public record in renouncing
Kleinsasser's folly. Not to do so makes both the Darius and
the Lehrerleut culpable by association and implication'
and it will be only a matter of time before this whole
affair will bring the roof down over the Hutterite's ear....
4. Kleinsasser's reckless behavior is further evidenced
in his wild financial schemes...
Note the Free Press again:
'Kleinsasser said he, Edel, a South Dakota Hutterite and an
Atlanta lawyer formed a limited partnership named Welk
Resources Ltd. to engage in petroleum exploration."
Finally, a worse charge against Kleinsasser is his
confederacy with the New Age movement of the East (the
Arnoldleut). The Arnoldleut still hold Eberhard Arnold up
as their inspiring leader whose writings are revolutionary,
anti-government and leftist.
Susan Welham Dec. 12 '90: ...My search takes me back to my
earliest
years, to Wheathill, particularly to a time when both my
parents were gone.... I remember being locked up -- bread
and water. My
parents don't know. I now ask anyone out there, in or out
of the HB, what happened to the children of the excluded
parents during that time?
I never was good enough. My lessons were:
I was essentially an evil being whose whole life
had to be dedicated to controlling and/or stamping
out the worm inside.
When people make mistakes, they lose the right to
be loved and either live like ghosts without a voice
or are cast out into the void to perish.
This may sound rather extreme, but children absorb
the essence in emotional terms. For an example, my
father was cast out a number of times. I was given no
explanation, he just disappeared. Imagine my delight
when one day, when walking with a school group, I saw
him in the distance. Off I ran calling 'Daddy, Daddy!' I
was hauled back by the teacher. 'You must not talk to
him.' No explanation. He must be a ghost. My life was
full of dark confusion. I was eight at the time. We were
having a really hard time of it that winter of 1951. My
mother was pregnant with Oliver, the rest of us aged 2, 4,
6, 8, 10. My father had transgressed. My mother had
forgiven him, but in true SOB style, he must be punished.
WE WERE ALL PUNISHED. The desire to punish took
precedence over any other consideration, especially how
the children would fare. Oliver was born defective -- we
were still being punished. We did not know as we sang
'Golden slumbers kiss your eyes' outside the baby house
that Oli would have physical-mental-emotional problems
which psychiatrists attribute to the extreme stress and
deprivation my mother suffered during her pregnancy.
None of us in my family agreed with the harsh
treatment meted out to my sister aged 9 when she was
excluded, sent away to Ibate. She had been playing
doctors and nurses with another little girl. 'The Powers
That Be' decided that she had latent homosexual
tendencies which must be squashed. The 'best' way to do
that was to rip her from the relative security of her
family, to send her away and let her suffer. We all
suffered. We still do. She still puts herself into exclusion
when she is troubled. She does not reach out to her
family. They were not there when she needed them most.
Tell me HOW DO I FORGIVE AND FORGET THIS
UNNECESSARY SUFFERING?
Joel Clement, 2/6/91: ...My father, whom I have always
loved, was sent away
for two years in 1975 and '76 for pride and ambition, as I
understand it, I guess for his part in getting Heini off the
'hof in 1959 (referred to on p. 140 of Torches
Rekindled). He had been in exclusion in 1960 or '61 for
the same thing, had he not? Where does this fit in with
the basic teaching of forgiveness? I suppose it is possible
that more things were discovered about him, but doesn't
that lead to endless digging? I heard that one of the
charges brought against him was that he was too friendly
with people "outside." How can you explain that? Upon
what basis does the Bruderhof break a person's spirit and
personality to this extent, to punish them for an obviously
God-given trait -- yes, call it what it is -- a gift? It is
quite evident to me that the Bruderhof has trampled on
people's spirits. I've seen it happen to my dad and to
Jonathan and to others. I would guess you might see these
events differently, but to me they are quite plain. In my
opinion, this is a misuse of Church discipline as spelled out
in Matt 18: 15-17 or 1 Corin 5....
Miriam Arnold Holmes: (Excerpts from her
Life Story) One day Art Wiser, the servant, called
me into his office.
"I had a phone call from Heini," he said. "And he was
very very shocked that you, Miriam, had asked for a
record from Dan. That was very very selfish, and then
you even put pressure on him. There is something
drastically wrong with you, and Heini was absolutely
horrified about what you did. He wants you to give an
explanation in the brotherhood meeting tonight."
Heini also wanted Hela Ehrlich, who was visiting Oak
Lake from Woodcrest, to take down everything I said in
shorthand because he sure would love to know what were
my explanations of my selfish actions. That is what Art
said that Heini said.
I was totally flabbergasted! I was mortified! I was
scared, and I was in shock. I had forgotten about that
episode, and from what I heard, my father was sort of
upset that Dan would not loan me the record. I heard later
that he went to Doug Moody about it, and Doug thought
that wasn't very nice of Dan Maendel either, that he
would not loan me that record. So Doug must have told
Heini. Now Heini, of course, saw a golden opportunity
here to trample his brother's daughter into the mud, and
that is exactly what he did. I guess this was the only time
my name ever came to Heini's attention, any kind of
conflict or anything to do with me. And he quickly
realized he had a golden opportunity to make his brother
look bad. That is the only way I can explain it, because I
certainly did not do anything that a lot of other people
didn't do. People borrowed records back and forth
all the time. Here I was in big trouble for asking, and I
didn't even get the damn records! Me asking for a record
was a major sin! So I went to the brotherhood meeting
that night with fear and trembling. And I was challenged,
and here was Hela Ehrlich with her steno pad taking down
every word I said!
Basically what I said was "I am really sorry and I'm
ashamed of myself. I was very selfish and it wasn't nice
of me, I should not have done that."
But that wasn't good enough. I was sent out of the
brotherhood meeting. I was sent home and told that I
was not in the brotherhood any more.
Ausgeschlossen --
excluded. So I went back to my little room which I shared
with two or three other single women and could not sleep
that night. I did not sleep a wink. I found that
experience so traumatic that I stayed awake all night,
lying in bed, feeling awful, just awful. That was the
beginning of the end for me.
Of course at that time I thought Heini must be right
and I was wrong. There was something the matter with
me, even though I said I was sorry and I said I was
selfish and whatever. I probably said I was proud too,
because that was always a standard self-accusation, to be
proud. And I really meant what I said. God's sake, I
meant it! I did not want to be in trouble! But it was not
good enough. They wanted more.
Emotional blood wasn't good enough for Heini. He got
that out of me, I can tell you. He got plenty of emotional
bleeding. Now being thrown out of the brotherhood did
not just mean you did not attend meetings. Of course you
were out of the 'Gemeindestunde' also. It was much more
than that. It was feeling disgraced, feeling worthless,
feeling almost dirty and having those feelings reinforced
by being treated as less than human. People stopped
talking to you. When you went to second breakfast,
people just left you out of the conversation. It was just a
nasty, nasty feeling. They still let me work with the
children, which to me was a lifesaver. Because the
children did not treat me as if I
was Ausgeschlossen. It
was like the animals when I was a 11 years old and
excluded. The only beings that treated me well and the
same were the animals. When I came home, the dog
jumped up and licked my face, just as happy as could be.
He did not know I was excluded. And neither did the
little children. They loved me just the same as they did
before, and greeted me with enthusiasm when they came
to their groups in the morning and afternoon. And as I
said, tears were shed when their mothers picked them up.
That was really really important to me, the little bit of
love and acceptance I received was from the little
children. I loved them dearly for it.
At the time I thought this would last for a month or
two and then I would be back in the brotherhood and
everything would be fine. But that was not the way it
happened. One month turned into another month, and
another month. It seemed as if I could not do anything
right. After a while they decided that I should not work
with the children any more, that I probably was
contaminating them with my dirtiness, whatever that was.
That is how I felt. So they took me away from the
children. Now that was devastating. They put me on the
cleaning crew which was responsible for cleaning all the
common areas in all the buildings, the bathrooms and
sinks. Each group of apartments had a general food area
with a shared stove and refrigerator and a sink. By that
time we had more than one building at Oak Lake. We had
the Harvest House and the new shop. The children had
moved to the old shop which had been turned into a
children's house. So there were quite a few areas which
had to be cleaned quite aside from the dining room and
lobby in the main building. They had to be cleaned every
day, the floors mopped and waxed, the carpeting
vacuumed. The long long hallways upstairs had to be
dusted. A lot of toilets to be cleaned. So here I was,
cleaning toilets, mopping and waxing floors...
I was very depressed. I always felt
that I did not feel bad enough. I felt maybe if I would
feel a little worse about myself, truly truly badly about
myself, they would take me back. But that did not
happen.
------------KIT Newsletter, May 1991 Vol. III
#5------------
The Third Biannual Report on The State of KIT
Well here we are, up to our twenty-first issue. It
never ceases to amaze us how KIT grew out of a few
telephone calls back in August of 1989. Oddly enough, it
is the Bruderhof whom we must thank, since if they had
agreed to allow Ramon to interview members about
Xavie's life story, he probably would not have needed to
look up ex-members to learn about his daughter's life.
But sometimes just a coincidence is all it takes to turn our
lives around. And as Dr. Bernie Siegel says, "Perhaps
coincidence is just God's way of remaining anonymous."
Rachel Mason Burger: 3/26/91 I have held
off writing to KIT for a long time, not seeing clearly how
my story fit in until I read Susan Welham's letter. What
she wrote resonates so strongly with my own experience
that I found myself trembling. Susan asks for other
accounts of what happened to the children at Wheathill in
the winter and spring of '48-'49. For me, the nightmare that
followed started
harmlessly enough.... A group of us school kids were
standing around our classroom stove drying our gloves
after sledding. One of them mentioned that two kids were
involved in sexual play. The next day, I was told to go to
the mother of one of the children, who asked why I did
not report the kids to anyone. I thought to myself, "I am
not the originator of this story, and if I 'tell on them,' her
son would probably get thrashed again, which I did not
want to have happen. He had been hurt enough (in fact
he got beaten so badly that he ran away). The next day, I
was interrogated by a group of mothers in the black hut
as to why I did not report on the two children. They
ordered me to stand, and tried to force a confession out of
me, surmising that a wrongdoing on my part was the
reason I had not talked. Again and again I said I had
done nothing. They were very hostile. I felt extremely
cornered and afraid. They told me to take a walk while
they deliberated. It was still winter in Wheathill. The
snow lay deep on the ground and blew hard in my face. I
started to cry a lot, walking hurriedly to the top of the hill
past the huts. There was nowhere to go, so I returned.
They repeated the interrogation and then gave up, telling
me to go home, and accusing me of wasting their time.
The next day my mother told me Llewellyn [the Servant]
had said in the brotherhood that my situation was very
serious and that he decided that I was to be excluded, not
only from the children's community, but also from my
family. The shame and pain of that moment is still with
me. I asked my mother how long. I protested, "Not my
family too!" By way of saying goodbye, I put a chocolate
which I had saved for my siblings from my 11th birthday
under each of their pillows.
The hardest was leaving Bridget who had been two
when my parents were sent away, and now at the age of
four, totally depended on me as if I was her mother.
During the years my parents had been in the "great ban,"
my brothers and sisters were everything to me, and now
as their big sister, I was being told I was too evil to live
with them. I had to move upstairs to live with Ivy. She
never smiled at me or said anything nice. I tried to talk
with her about birds because I knew she loved them, but
was told to remain silent and was only allowed to talk
when necessary about work. Ivy, who had a very bad
back, and I did all the laundry by hand for the whole
community. Mrs. Broom and Mrs. Braithwaite came from
Cleeton St. Mary and did all the ironing. Not
understanding what was being done to me, they would
smile at me. It was very hard work, and Ivy often
criticized me. I ate alone in the drying room where I also
did an hour of English grammar every day. When I saw
Bridget's clothes coming through, I would cry and feel
guilty. I once dared to look in my family's rooms
downstairs, but they were now empty. My family was
simply gone. I was allowed to take a short prescribed
walk once a week. I'd think of running away, but had
nowhere to go.
...With many parents having
been sent away, their children were either in isolation or
in groups that also slept in the departments together.
Buddig said that Bridget constantly would ask where is
"Latel" (Rachel). I sometimes was allowed to carry the
little children's supper trays down, but was told not to
look around or talk to them. Bridget looked puzzled and
sad, the more so because I did not dare go to her. Later,
she told me that she was accused of lying about washing
her hands and was taken to Llewellyn who spanked her.
This still makes me incredibly angry. How dare he have
done this! She had lost everyone, and was spanked! My
other sister Janet who was eight and was also in exclusion
for no reason, was looked after by Margo who she says
"was nice to her." Last year, my mother told me that
when my brother told her that Llewellyn was planning to
send him and the other 12-year-old boys away, she
protested and was locked up for a night and then allowed
to leave but without her five children. She was given
enough money to take the bus to her parents 30 miles
away in Birmingham. Here she had a nervous breakdown.
In spite of her health, she managed as a result of being
one of the typists at the community to remember the
address of Gwynn, Guy and Balz and to send them a letter
saying that something was very wrong in Wheathill and
pleading with them to return from their travels in
Germany. Which they did, so ending the crisis. I was
working in Lower Bromdon wash-up when Guy Johnson
walked in and said, "How are you, Rachel?" After feeling
like a piece of dirt for so long, his friendliness startled me.
No one was supposed to be nice to me....All in all, feeling
I was one of the first victims of
this period, I somehow felt my "evilness" started
something very bad that had spread like a disease
through the whole community and wrecked it.
A List of Questions put to the Bruderhof in KIT
and a Checklist of Responses to Date
Questions asked and the Responses
Did the servants tamper with the mail? No
Have you stopped mail tampering? --
Have you stopped breaking up families? Yes
Stopped overly judgmental severity? Yes
Did the servants censor mail? --
Have they stopped censoring mail? --
Inflicted corporal punishment on children? Yes
Stopped corporal punishment? Yes
Inflicted psychological abuse on children? --
Stopped psychological abuse of children? --
Stopped psychological abuse of adults? --
Admit Heini's responsibility for even
one destructive action? No
Stopped expelling people with nothing? --
Addressed "fear of expulsion" problem? --
Children told not to fear outside world? --
Children -- their choice to leave respected? Yes
Respect graduates' freedom to read KIT? Yes
Pressure graduates to 'take a stand' on KIT? --
Revise view of Hans Zumpe in 'Torches?' --
Delete or correct Gwynn's letter in "
Torches Rekindled? --
Dave Ostrom Jr. wrongly accused? Yes
Dave Ostrom Jr. mistreated? Yes
Ramon's 30-yr banishment from his
daughter Xavie wrong? Yes
Annual cash grant to expelled families -
Cease challenging grads to repentance Yes
Share your grads list with KIT? --
Photocopies of grads' files? --
Paid Social Security for residents? No
B'hof pay Social Security now? --
Acknowledge cold and unloving past
behavior? Yes
Stopped adult 'dirty mind' interpretation
of children's acts? Yes
Do you still believe in 'evil spirits' and
'demonic possession?' Yes
-------Tally------
No Responses: 16 Denials: 3 Admissions: 12
approximately 50% response rate
KIT has learned that the Bruderhof phoned Bette
Bohlken-Zumpe on a 3-hof, half-hour conference call to
berate her for the "lies" she told in KIT. They are refusing
to allow her to visit her mother Emi-Ma during Bette's
upcoming August visit to the USA, or to meet "outside"
with her sisters because of her plans to attend the Second
Annual KIT Conference. "This would have been your last
time to see your mother," they told her. The Bruderhof's
actions are in direct contradiction to Christoph Arnold's
written guarantee that no one's visiting privileges would
be revoked if they published in KIT.; Why is this
happening? Because Bette has copies of the many letters
her father Hans Zumpe wrote to her mother -- and to the
brotherhood -- begging forgiveness? The existence of
Hans' letters directly disproves the assertion in Torches
Rekindled (p. 151, 2nd Edition) that Hans "was asked
to seek repentance, but he never did, and his life was
tragically ended in 1973 in a plane crash." It must have
been that Heini Arnold in his role as Head Servant
intercepted all of Hans' correspondence. It is Heini who
must bear the personal responsibility for this deliberate
cutting off of all of Hans' attempts to express his
repentance to his wife and to the brotherhood. It remains
to be seen whether the Bruderhof intends to let Emi-Ma
die without knowledge of her husband's letters of
repentance and sorrow. It remains to be seen whether
the Bruderhof intends to prevent Bette Bohklen-Zumpe
from seeing her mother again.
Madeleine Jones Hutchison 6/15/91: I have
been receiving KIT for the past seven months or so. My
first reaction was of shock and relief. Since my expulsion
from the community at the age of 16, I have carried this
enormous pain alone, thinking I had been singled out. I
also had this burden of guilt, as the decision of my being
kicked out was based on some terrible sin I had
committed. For the life of me I have never figured out
what I did. So, KIT is now giving me hope and comfort,
and will hopefully enable me to find healing and growth.
I was moved by every letter, especially Rachel Mason
Burger's. I remember you well, Rachel, as a kind person.
During a short stint in the Sinntal bruderhof
we worked in the workshop
making dolls and straw stars. Sinntal was extremely
confining and we were forbidden to walk off the small
acreage. It was like a prison for the children, and so,
naturally, some of us used to go off into the woods. This
was a beautiful and exciting place and gave many of us a
little freedom. One day, one of my pals and I were
walking back from a long hike through the woods. This
time we walked near Bad Bruckenau and were stopped by
two young boys who gave each of us a Pepsi. What a
treat! Off we went back home, and two days later, we
were in for it. I was accused of sinning, was interrogated
and told to leave. This I did the following day. Rachel
and another person drove me to Frankfort where I was to
get on a plane for London.
One of the women at Sinntal gave me a brown paper
bag stuffed with goodies that I was to deliver to someone
in Wheathill. When I stepped off the plane in London and
was making my way to the terminal, I dropped the bag,
picked it up and realized a jar of pickles had smashed,
The whole world saw my shame and fear, my clothes
soaked in pickle juice. Before meeting my father at
Customs, I dropped the bag into a garbage container,
feeling like a piece of you-know-what. I was relieved to
see my Dad and felt secure again. I was going home, or so
I thought.
"No, no, you can't come back," he told me.
"Can't I see my three brothers and three sisters before I
am sent away?"
""No, no, you can't come back. You are
going to live with your uncle and aunt (strangers) in
Somerset."
I was
taken to a small hotel where I was greeted by my mother.
She and I spent two days there, and my only memory is
of constant crying and confusion. My mother had been
told to interrogate me and get a confession of wrongdoing
from me. Naturally this was not forthcoming as I had no
bloody idea what I was supposed to have done. The
questions were all about boys and had I done anything
with them? What did one do with boys but climb trees,
have fun and talk? Sex. what the heck was all that
about?! Oh, but I felt guilty as anything and nearly went
crazy. Then I climbed on the train, said goodbye to my
mother and spent 3 hours on the train with all those evil
people. My uncle and aunt were nice, but we didn't talk
about anything except birds and flowers. I learned to
make bread. Every day was hellish, lonely and dark.
Time meant nothing to me then, only grief, endless fear
and more grief.
A letter from Wheathill arrived one day:
"Get a job. We can't send any more money for your room
and board." More fear. I would wake up in the night and
think I was dying. All was black. No one here for me,
alone. I got a job as a mother's helper. One little girl was
now my only contact with reality. She and her parents
lived on a farm way out in the country. Again, only
memories of fear linger on. Every night the wooden chair
in my small bedroom acted as a lock to the outside world.
The farmer and his wife were aliens, and their eyes
pierced me. I was scared to death of them. They had a
gun at the top of the stairs and I was convinced they were
going to kill me with it. Why else would they have a gun?
I told my dad on the phone that the farmer looked at me
in such a queer way and that he had a gun.
"Please,
please come and get me away from here. Yes, yes, I have
sinned. I'll be good. I will follow God and do better."
Gladys Mason came down 2 days later to take me home.
Again, interrogations, accusations and questions.
""Yes, I will make a new beginning and be good."
I remember the
daffodils beside the road. so it must have been springtime.
All was going to be okay. I was going home. Little did I
know, as I arrived back in Wheathill, that this was just
the start of a string of abuse. Why do I write this to you?
It is not done out of hatred. My whole life has been very
much affected by my life in PRimavera and
Wheathill. Sure,
there were good times, but I can handle those. It is the
cruelty, the psychological twisting of my spirit that has
left me crippled to some extent. I want to have healing. I
want the community to take ownership for what they
have done. They are my family of origin and I need their
acceptance. There are other events which I will write
about another time. This is just something I have to do.
It won't all be bad, I promise.
Amos Baer: "I hate the Bruderhof. I've hated
them ever since Mark Kurtz took me aside and felt me up
when I was in Ausschluss. I was 5 years old."
Ruth Baer: "How did you get in Ausschluss
at that age?
Amos: "Ruth, you put me in. You were the
Kindergarten teacher and you put me in."
Ruth: "I can't believe it! I have no memory of doing
that. Why did I do it?"
Amos: "The Kindergarten was in the corner room right
next to the highway. We were not supposed to watch the
cars go by out there, even though there was a big picture
window and you could see them clearly. I had not said
anything yet because I was shy. Finally I got the courage
to yell out, 'Look at that big red truck!' You had told us
that the next person to speak would get punished, and so
you came to me and yanked me by the arm and took me
upstairs to the Ausschluss Room. I tried to reason with
you, but you wouldn't give in."
Ruth: "What did you do in that room?"
Amos: "You had to sit quietly and they would
question you. Maybe they'd ask you why you had two
snot rags in one pocket. They were trying to force some
kind of a confession from you. First I thought they were
trying to trick me into talking, so I didn't say anything.
Mark Kurtz was in the room. He let everyone go out and
kept me there, and then lay down next to me and cuddled
me, telling me about good and bad. I was scared."
Amon Baer: (In the same Ausschluss Room) "Mark
Kurtz had a watch. He said that it ticked loudly and that if
we listened to it carefully, we could hear it. We all sat
quietly and listened. He said we should raise our hands
when we heard the ticking. After a while when you sit
and think about a watch ticking, it almost seems like your
imagination takes over and you do hear it ticking. One
after another we all raised our hands. Then he told us
that the watch didn't work and didn't make a sound. We
were all branded as liars."
Bette Bohlken-Zumpe 8/16/91: Coming
home, I received the above letter from my mother. She
had heard indirectly that I had found letters FROM HER
TO MY DAD, and that I was making them public. Never
have I spoken of letters from my mother. But I did want
my father's letters to her to be known. My points have
al-ways been:
1: A man is ready to commit suicide after confessing
to a sin. He is not helped by his brothers, but is kicked
even deeper into the mud so that he almost drowns.
2: He wants to speak with the person clos-est to his
heart. That is forbidden. He is put on a plane to another
country.
3: He writes to his wife and the Servant of the Word.
His letters never reach his wife.
4: His wife writes to him, but her letters are never
sent off but find their way to the dustbin or the archives.
5: He asks about his children 8 and 11 years old. He
never receives a reply, even though he sends a monthly
payment for their upkeep.
6: She writes a short letter from the boat to England
to him to let him know that they are moving to England.
From this he real-izes that all his letters have never
reached her, as she does not know his address which he
had written on every letter. But she sent her letter to a
mutual communal friend.
7: He answers her letter and she gets ex-cluded for
that, away from the community to some nuns in
Gloustershire. She almost went mad with grief and pain
and total loneliness amonst strangers. She fights her way
back to the brotherhood in the hope that he will come
also, and promises under pressure never to write him
again of her own accord.
The brotherhood wants to move her back to the
States, but needs consent from the father to give the
children passports. He writes the German embassy to
give his children European passports ONLY so that there
is a little chance he might get to see his children in the
future. The brother-hood gets them Paraguayan passports
without his consent so that they leave Europe and he
never sees them again.
The time period I am talking about is the first two
years, from 1960 to 1963, when Hans and I were
married. Heini wrote his first letter to my father in 1971,
ten years later. In 1960, my father wrote to Georg in
Sinntal Bruderhof and asked him for a talk in order to
find his way back to the com-munity. Georg wrote back
that he should first find a deeper repentance and put this
on paper for the brotherhood so that a decision could be
made about a visit to him. He was never visited in the 12
years in Germany.
Madeleine Jones Hutchison 7/29/91: When I
read KIT, I am overcome with grief and can
finally cry, not only for myself but for the many other
victims of the Bruderhof. When I was 5 years old, my
parents had gone to Bruderschaft and all the little ones
were asleep in their beds. It was a hot night, and in my
sleep my nightgown had moved up my little body
exposing my bottom. I woke up in terror, and this
woman (I know her name well) said to me, "You filthy,
dirty girl!" I guess my bare bottom offended her so
much!! Since this incident, I have this horrible dream of
this woman standing by my bed with her arm held above
her head ready to strike me. Her eyes pierce me and I
wake up in a cold sweat. Since I have started to talk
about all the you-know-what with Gerry, the dream has
not come again. In Kindergarten in Isla, there was one
woman who for some strange reason was allowed to work
with children (she would be behind bars in our society).
She often locked the children up in a small room. I spent
many hours in this room.
On one particular occasion, and I remember it very
well, I was trying to teach my little brother Ken how to
climb this lovely tree. Halfway up he got stuck and
started to cry, then scream his head off. So here comes
this woman, and she too starts screaming. She lifted Ken
out of the tree and yanked me by the arm, marched me
off and locked me up in the dark hut. I don't know how
long I was left there, but it seemed like eternity. I was
given no lunch and was so hungry that I spat onto the
dirt floor and made enough mud to eat. No water. On
another occasion, all the children had finished their
supper and only D. and I were left. It was goulash that
night, full of Wabbel (gristle). There was just no way we
could eat any more, but she kept saying, "If you don't eat
up, I will give you another ladleful." And she did!!! We
sat there crying and gagging with every attempt to eat.
Finally she could see that we were not able to eat any
more, and said we were going to spend the night in the
dark room. I relive the terror of that night. We both
screamed and screamed, pushed and pushed the door, so
she finally gave up and we got away and ran like hell.
We were powerless little children, terrorized and
abused. To this day I have a terrible fear of being alone
in a dark house and, as you can imagine, this has caused
some problems. Some children are more resilient than
others, and I think that even a strong child will
eventually break and be crippled inside for a long time.
There was always this fear of doing something wrong,
always this feeling of guilt which still haunts me to this
day. When someone says to me, "I want to talk to you
about something," I break out in a cold sweat and my
stomach feels as if it were twisted into knots. Now my
husband always tells me what he needs to talk about
ahead of time so that I don't have this horrible reaction.
Paraguay was like the garden of Eden, but we all know
who invaded that garden too!
In 1957, my family was moved to Wheathill and we
arrived in November. My feet were riddled with
zebui, and when the first snow fell, my father made
me walk about outside barefoot. That got rid of the
critters once and for all. Settling into Wheathill school
was difficult, as it was all in English. I made friends with
Roger Rimes and we played a lot of Ping-Pong at the
school. Some nosy troublemaker finally reported this,
and so one day, during class time, I was asked to step out.
My first reaction was of fear and guilt. I was taken to B's
office where I saw a group of servants of the word sitting
in a semicircle. I had to stand in front of my judges, and
they proceeded to accuse me of sinning against God. I
was a dirty girl, a disgrace to all. Lots of questions were
asked, but I could not talk because I was so terrified and
felt so humiliated.
I was 15, and my breasts were showing through my
blouse, and these men sat there and accused me of
sinning. They kept this up for almost an hour. All I did
was cry constantly and I peed my pants. Then I was told
I was not to return to school, to have no contact with
anyone. For 3 weeks I had to peel spuds and sprouts in
the little hut across from the kitchen. This is where I also
had my meals. I was branded UNCLEAN and the whole
community knew this. But I was innocent! Roger was
sent away the same day to live in Bulstrode, away from
his father and sister. His mother was never in the
community. I felt completely abandoned by everyone,
even God. Only one person showed the slightest bit of
understanding, and than person was Marianne Zumpe. If
it had not been for her, I would not have lived through
this time of utter hell. This incident has affected my
whole life severely.
When I was finally sent away for good, I was broken
in spirit and mind. I was totally unprepared for the life
on the outside. I was uneducated and unable to cope or
look after myself. I was only 16 years old. I did not
know the facts of life. I was terrified of everyone. I
thought I was dying, and I might have, had it not been
for the prayers of my father's cousin in whose home I
was forced to live. I requested many times to come back
to Wheathill but was told I was not wanted. A year or so
later, my family was sent away and I then joined them.
My parents were given 50 pounds. We were seven in our
family. An old school friend of Dad's let us live in a
cottage on his farm.
We lived in poverty for a very long time. Often there
was not enough food to go around, so my parents went
without so that the children had some food. I feel such
anger at the way my parents were treated after having
given all to the Bruderhof. They suffered terribly, and
there are no words to describe the isolation we all felt.
All my brothers and my little sister have suffered a lot.
One of my brothers won't even talk about the Bruderhof.
When he was 9 years old, he was accused of a terrible
thing, and later, after my parents insisted on an
investigation, the truth came out but the damage was
done. During my isolation in Wheathill, I was very
disturbed and occasionally walked in my sleep. One
morning I woke up in my bed and saw that I was
covered in coal dust. Instead of being reassured and
loved, I was once again accused of going out at night to
meet a boy -- in the coal pile! If it wasn't so serious, I
could laugh my head off!! I do not understand why I was
always under suspicion. There was never any person
who stood up for me -- my parents couldn't either. I will
now stop writing, as I have to get out into my garden and
think about all this and more, I am so very thankful I
have finally found a person who believes in me, LOVES
ME FOR WHO I AM.
------KIT Newsletter, November 1991 Vol.
III #11------
The Fourth Biannual Report on The State of KIT
Well, it's been an eventful six months! We held our
Second Annual Conference and experienced amazing
moments of heartfelt togetherness, of sharing each other's
pain and laughter, while acknowledging our individual
differences. The variety of viewpoints expressed run the
gamut, that's for sure! Pity your faithful KIT staff who try
to serve the needs of all without treading on anyone's pet
peeve. ("Was that YOUR pet peeve? {Wiping shoe on the
grass} Oh, I'm so SORRY!") But please understand, KIT
cannot speak editorially to the Bruderhof for the
readership. Aside from our shared 'gestalt' of community
experiences, we are as varied as a meadowful of
wildflowers and weeds. And isn't that what life is all
about, to allow each his or her unique voice? After all,
isn't that basic respect for one another's uniqueness what
was lacking in the Bruderhof? Of course there are some
basic issues upon which we do all agree: the need to help
one another adjust to life on the 'outside,' and to keep
asking the Bruderhof to assist the elderly and the
youthful, as well as those experiencing emotional or
medical difficulties. Here KIT can speak for the
readership by asking the Bruderhof to contribute to a 'no
strings attached' fund that would disburse grants or loans
as needed, which we are calling 'The XRoads Fund.'
One important question: is the Bruderhof a
destructive cult or merely a sect with some unfortunate
failings? If they are the former, is it naive to expect them
to change? If the latter, have the past wrongs described
in KIT been recognized by them and changed long ago?
Are those who take a positive view of their Bruderhof
years just suppressing and denying their own abuse?
Beyond the role that KIT tries to fill as a sounding board
for all, there still exists a higher need to get at the truth of
things. Part of the maturity of living outside in the real
world is recognizing the necessity to assess any and all
information that comes your way....
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